Profile

I've been Knighted through the world's 2nd largest medieval reenactment society. I've written papers that have been published in global biophysics journals. I have had 100+ bats crawl on me simultaneously. I have completed an 18 month Masters Thesis in 8 weeks. I have spent 2 weeks getting no more than 15 minutes sleep a day. I've nearly died six times. I've hiked with mountain lions. I've fully loved two women at the same time, with strangely enough, no regrets. I've sung Ct'hulhu nursery rhymes to a 1 year old. I've jumped automobiles. I've finally understood and accepted the terminal consequences of the second law of thermodynamics. I've outrun police. I've been on international television teaching teachers how to teach. I have french-kissed a macaw. I've had beautiful women beg me to beat them. I have suffered snow-blindness. I've won blue medals in the backstroke. I have have competed for an international leather title. I have had hypothermia. I've won the 'most likely to be an alien' award 5 years in a row from a world-class institution for the Gifted and Talented. I've had knives thrown at me. I've been in the "Who's Who Among American High School Teachers" three times. I have had coroners looking for my body. I've discovered the partial conformation of an omega-3 phospholipid acid. I have been bitten by snakes. I've successfully avoided smoking for nearly 40 years (if you ignore the cigar when I was 5!). I have survived being raised by my mother. I've dipped my naked hand in liquid nitrogen. I have designed tattoos. I have had my life saved by someone I barely knew. I have had my life saved by someone I knew very well. I have pushed blind cave fish aside to drink the water. I have spent 6 straight months being suicidally insane. I have spent 6 straight months being insanely manic. I have saved lives. I have studied Akkadian cuneiform. I've won regional BDSM competions. I have repelled off of bridges. I have voluntarily gone into a burning building. I have not broken a promise made in my adult life. I have jumped out of an airplane. I've made a 3.8 MB *working* excel file (try it!). I have fixed a car with a pack of chewing gum and a spring from a ball-point pen. I've petitioned to become an astronaut. I have had severe frostbite. I've corrected a priest on church history in front of his congregation. I have logged well over 500 hours in an military flight-simulator. I've submitted short stories for publication. I have performed surgery on a fish. I've trained dominants. I have competitively raced bicycles. I've designed game systems. I've climbed mountains. I've had a pet squirrel named Zonker. I have permanent brain-damage. I have over 2000 hours logged in front of four studio cameras. I've won "Best Instructor" awards at an University. I have *intentionally* put an airplane (non simulated, even!) into a tail-spin. I've been stabbed. I have sat in a VW bus under 60 feet of water. I have fallen off of a glacier. I have driven over 120 mph. I have been in a collapsing ice cave. I have been in a collapsing sandstone cave. I have laughed *with* a 3 year old. I have explained string theory to a church minister. I have mountain-hiked for 3 days on a broken knee with nothing more than 4 cups of water, 3 slim-jims and 2 rice-crispy treats. I have won art awards. I have a beautiful slave whom I love dearly. I have been on fire. I have spoken with Nobel Laureates. I have been an international champion for a video game. I've had my lungs scarred with Bromide. I have personally named an international corporation with offices on three continents. I have held a dying man.